


Sum of the Total: Act 1 and 2

by WeCryde (Cryde2Me)



Series: Sum of the Total [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Bisexual Character, F/F, F/M, Female Homosexuality, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Rating May Change, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-17
Updated: 2014-05-12
Packaged: 2018-01-19 18:25:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1479562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cryde2Me/pseuds/WeCryde
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When everyone including their parents accuse them of being gay, Stan and Kyle (but mostly Kyle) set out to prove them wrong by getting girlfriends. They weren't gay damn it! But the more time they spent apart, the more they realized...maybe they were?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

As far back as Stan and Kyle could remember, they had always been best friends. Closer than any real blood brothers, they were an inseparable pair; South Park's own version of the dynamic duo. Wherever one went, the other would not be far behind. Even their parents joked that the two of them must be Siamese twins, attached to each other by the hips.

Still, despite the depth of their friendship, they had their own ups and down that tested it. Icemen, Guitar Hero, Asperser to name a few- every hazardous adventure, every shitty situation that stretched their tie to the very brink, only served in the end to strengthened their already strong bond. There was no doubt in Stan or Kyle's mind that the world may burn and go to hell, but they would always remain super best friends. 

And perhaps it's because of that very strong conviction they had, their friendship was often called into question. They were too close. It wasn't normal for boys to hug or do sleepovers so often. There must be something more going on between them. The boys just rolled their eyes, completely used to the stupid accusations thrown their way by the idiots of the town. Cartman called them fags and butt buddies enough times that even Kyle didn't get riled up by the insults anymore. If people wanted to misinterpret and read deeper into their friendship, whatever. That was their problem. As for Stan and Kyle, they knew they weren't "gay for each other", so they didn't care what people said about them hanging out.

At least that's what they thought.

The first time they realized the rumor wasn't so harmless was about a month after they entered high school. For his birthday, Stan's parents bought him the newest PlayStation console as a present. Despite knowing Kyle was a big Xbox fan, it didn't stop him from inviting his best bud over to play with him when he turned it on for the first time. Later, he'd invite Kenny and Cartman over too, but for now, he preferred it if it was just the two of them playing with his new baby alone. 

Things started off great. Both of them admired the graphics and the PVP aspect of the game. They joked, tossing halfhearted insults at each other when both of them died pitifully at the hands of a more experience player. As they do in real life, their characters stuck to each other like glue. There was safety in numbers, but also because if the other couldn't be saved, they both could die together. There was a morbid sense of security in that if Stan couldn't save Kyle's character, he'd off his character with no hesitation just so they could respawn in the same place. In turn, Kyle did the same. It set them back a few good hours, but neither wanted to level up and leave the other behind. However, like most games went, as they became more proficient at it, they got more ruthless. 

And that rule quickly flew out the window. 

Stan let out a guttural roar and threw his control down to the floor with frustration when he died for the fifth time in the last hour. "Will you stop fucking killing me? I actually want to get to the next city." Stan glared at his friend beside him. 

Kyle just shrugged, a suspicious smug smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Maybe if you stopped playing PlayStation games, you'd actually be good with PVP." 

"Okay that's it, I'm tired of your shit. I'm taking your Xbox ass out, you asshole! Once and for all." Stan lunged at the redhead from across the couch and tackled him to the floor. They rolled around, their hats lost quickly lost in the scuffle. They pulled and tugged the collar of their shirts, trying to get a good grip to pin the other boy to the ground, but all they really accomplished was tear and dishevel their clothes. 

Grunting, panting, the impromptu wrestling match went on for a few minutes when Sharon passed by with a basket full of laundry. With nary a glance their way, she commented offhandedly as she walked up the stairs, "No sex where the family can see you until you're at least 18, Stan." 

The boys looked up confused; Stan's hand paused mid-shove to get Kyle to eat carpet. 

"Wha dij ou mom zay?" Kyle tried to talk around the hand pushing his face against the floor. 

Stan shook his head. " I have no clue, dude." 

They brushed it off and continued to pummel each other like nothing happened. 

*~*~*~*~*

Two weeks later after the first incident, the boys noticed for the second time something was not right. Somewhere between 7th and 8th grade when they actually had competent teachers, their homework started to count for something. Since then, it became a ritual for Stan to follow Kyle home after school and finish his assignments there. It wasn't because he was stupid or because he had difficulty with his homework. In fact, he was one of the more intelligent boys, but studying with Kyle just made him more motivated. In the comfortable silence of his friend's room, what would usually take him 3 hours to finish, took him only half that time. 

After they finished their homework for the day, they randomly chose a movie to watch as they waited for dinner. When Kyle's mother finally shouted for them around 6PM, they scrambled downstairs in haste. They raced, shoving each others' shoulders playfully even when they sat down on the dining table. Stan was over so often, the Broflovskis no longer asked him if he wanted to stay for dinner anymore. If it was a weeknight, it was automatically assumed he'd eat with them. It's gotten to the point that Kyle's parents would ask where was Stan if he didn't stay for dinner. 

It was like any other night at the Broflovski's house, except Sheila was more subdued and quiet than normal. Throughout the entire meal, she hardly said two words as she watched her son and his best friend complain about school and practice. When she could no longer hold her tongue, she coughed as discreetly as she could into her hand. 

"Stanley, dear, are you busy tomorrow?" She said, interrupting Kyle in the middle of his spiel about Cartman's latest scheme to sabotage him. 

It did not escape Sheila's notice when Stan immediately looked over to son for an explanation to her sudden question. A silent conversation flew between the two, not unlike when she and her husband spoke with only their eyes. When Kyle shrugged, Stan furrowed his brows from uncertainty. 

"Uh, I don't think I'm doing anything tomorrow, Mrs. Broflovski..?"

"Oh good." Sheila dabbed at her lips with a napkin and smiled warmly at the boy. "As I'm sure you know, once a month we go to the synagogue to pray and to mingle with family and friends. Why don't you come with us? I'm sure Kyle will be happy to have his...," she paused, her gaze flickering from Kyle to Stan, "...friend to go with him. What do you say, Stanley?" 

"What?" Stan jerked back like she had asked him if he was pregnant. "Uh..." Flustered and obviously uncomfortable, he tried to politely decline such an unusual request. "I'm not sure if you knew...but I'm kind of a Catholic, Mrs. Broflovski, so I'm not sure if your church will let me-"

"Synagogue. Not a church," she casually corrected him. She waved off his concern. "Don't worry about not being Jewish. We love it when someone outside the faith shows interest and come. As long as you behave politely and do what Kyle does, you'll be fine. Be ready around 7:30AM tomorrow and we'll pick you up. Oh, be sure to wear a nice outfit." 

"Um..." Stan glanced over to his friend for help. It sounded like Sheila made up her mind that he was going whether he wanted to or not. 

Rolling his eyes, Kyle sighed. "Ma, Stan already told you. His family is Catholic. Why would he want to go? He won't understand what's going on and it'll just bore him." 

"Yeah." Stan eagerly jumped in, thankful for the back-up. "I'm not sure if my mom would be okay with that. I'd have to ask her first." 

"Already done," Sheila said. "She's okay with you coming with us to the synagogue tomorrow as long as Kyle goes with your family to church on Sunday." 

Now it was Kyle's turn to be shocked. "WHAT? I'm going to church?! What the hell, Ma?!" 

"Language, Kyle!" She glared at her son, but it lasted for only a second. Her expression softening, she gently grasped his hand with her own. "Booby, your father and I, along with Stanley's parents, just think it's a good opportunity for you two to learn about each others' religion considering your relationship." 

"My relationship with Stan?" Kyle's horror filled eyes shifted from his mom to his dad, who was wisely staying out of this. Ike shoulders shook with silent laughter as he recorded this entire conversation with his phone. "We're friends. Best friends. What does being best friends have to do with religion?!"

"Oh, booby." There was a hitch in his mom's voice. She released the hand she held and softly patted his cheek. "It breaks my heart to know you don't trust us enough to tell us the truth. But that's alright, baby. You can continue to be 'friends' with Stan, we don't care. We'll always love you. And Stan." She turned towards the other bewildered boy and gave his shoulder a consoling squeeze."We're happy to have you join our little family. If you like, you can call me mother, okay sweetie?" 

Stan and Kyle's mouth moved, but as try as they might, no words came. Only noises that sounded like they were dying. 

*~*~*~*~*~*

The third time was when they knew it was more serious than they thought. It wasn't just their parents being delusional like usual. 

A full month passed since the whole synagogue thing with Kyle's mom. According to Sheila, since the two of them were still in denial, and thus not in as a committed relationship as she thought, she let the matter of Stan coming with them to prayer drop. However, if either of them started thinking about getting serious, she insisted Stan learn more about an important part of Kyle's life- especially if he wanted to treat her booby right. For a while, Stan was embarrassed to show his face in the Broflovski household. So they went to Stan's place after school instead, where the situation wasn't much better. Stan's own mother winked at the pair whenever they walked upstairs to his room; like she was on to them, but played along when they said they were going to do their homework, not some other more rigorous activity. 

Luckily for Stan, with football season over, a chunk of his time freed up. He finished his algebra, English reading and started on his World History when Kyle walked up and lightly kicked him on the knee. "Dude, you ready?" 

Stan slammed his textbook closed. He stretched both his arms above his head and gave out a big yawn. "Finally," he said with exasperation. "Damn, your tryout takes forever, Kyle. I'm bored as fuck."

The redhead rolled his eyes. This time when he kicked, it was a bit harder. "If your ass tried out for basketball like I told you to, you wouldn't be bored! My coach asked for you again. He thinks you'll be great. I bet if you tried out, you'd be in the starting team in no time. C'mon, man. It'll be fun." 

Stan slung his backpack over one shoulder and shrugged. "Sorry, dude. I already told you, basketball is just not my thing." 

The other basketball hopefuls walked past, clapping Kyle on the shoulders or slapping his ass as they said their goodbyes. Kyle scowled and flipped them off. "Yeah, see you tomorrow too, you fuckwads. Try not to choke on your own dicks."

"How about you don't choke on Marsh's," one teammate joked back.

"Fuck you!" Kyle yelled, giving them two middle fingers. 

Feigning offense, Joe placed a hand to his heart. "I know I'm one fine piece of meat, but cheating is bad, Kyle. Try to restrain yourself, especially when your wife is standing right there."

Kyle sighed and gave a, "Really? We're doing this gay joke again?" kind of look. He shook his head in resignation. "Yeah, yeah. Do something about your halitosis and maybe I'll let you suck my balls too." 

"Ooooh~ Watch out, Stan, I might try and steal your man!" Joe said with a grin. "He has such a way with words! Such wit, such prose! I'm surprised he's still a virgin." 

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Who says he's a virgin?" He placed an arm around Kyle's waist and pulled him over until they were standing hip-to-hip. "And I'm the husband for your information." 

Joe threw his head back and laughed. He gave the pair of them a salute before jogging off to catch up with the rest of his crew. 

Hand still wrapped loosely around Kyle's waist, Stan scoffed through his nose. When football season was still on, he and Kyle got a lot cracks from his teammates about their "gay little friendship" that the two of them got really good at deflecting those types of jokes. Used to it, they took it all in stride and even hammed it up on occasion, just to spite people (mostly Cartman). The stuff coming out of Joe and the rest of the basketball team was nothing they haven't heard before by other people. So what if they waited for each other during practice and cheered on during home games? It's not that big of deal. Friends do that all the time. Everyone was just jealous they didn't have their own super best friend. If he and Kyle weren't secure in their masculinity and in their friendship in the first place, it'd be pretty hard for them to pull off all these gay jokes like it was nothing. 

Stan grunted when he felt a jab in the rib by Kyle's bony elbow. He instantly dropped his hand from the redhead's waist. "Shit, what was that for?" 

"Seriously? Are you for real?" Kyle said. They walked out of the gymnasium, walking side-by-side in a slow trek home. 

Rubbing the sore spot on his side, the other boy shrugged his shoulders. "What? I was joking about ramming your ass obviously. You remember what that is right? The thing that you're not supposed to take seriously and you laugh at? Ha ha?" 

"Duh!" Kyle said, his voice dripping with derision. "I'm not talking about the husband-wife crap. I don't care about that. I'm talking about basketball not being your thing. Are you for real?" 

"Dude, get off my back about it." Stan scowled. He was starting to get annoyed with the topic. "I'm not playing basketball." 

"Jesus Christ, Stan. Just because you're not the best at basketball, suddenly it's not your thing?" A pair of viridian eyes stared at him sardonically. "If you're not the star player, you won't play, even if we're on the same team? When did you become such an attention whore? Do you have a stage name for when you work in the street corner or something?"

"Man, fuck you." Stan punched his friend in the arm, and not that lightly either. "I don't see you joining the football team when I asked you to. So you got zero say about me not wanting to join basketball."

Kyle threw his hands up in frustrated surrender. "Dude! I told you! I asked my mom if I could try out for football and you know what she said." Scrunching his face, he mimicked his mother in a high-pitched voice, "Kyle, football is too barbaric a sport for my little boobely. What if you hurt yourself? Break a bone? Worse, what if your grades drop!? It'll be the end of the world as we know it!"

Stan laughed because that's exactly what Kyle's mother would say. He ruffled the ushanka adorning his friend's head before he stopped to drop his arm casually around Kyle's shoulders. "What? Is your mom afraid you'd break a nail? How'd you convince her to let you play basketball then?"

"God." The one word was filled with so much pain and suffering, Stan winced from sympathy. "She knows how much I love basketball and I practically had to get on my hands and knees before even listened to me."

"So what did you do?" Stan asked. "Finally let Cartman incarcerate her?"

"Dude! That's my mom!" When all Kyle received was a knowing look, he looked skyward and groaned. "Alright, I admit. I know she can be overbearing, but I still love her okay? You just gotta know how to handle her. I told her colleges nowadays look for more than GPA and test scores when they look at potential students. Extracurricular activities, especially sports, are important too. It'll look good on my applications. When I said all that, she said I could play as long as I can maintain a 4.0."

"Holy shit. Straight A's all four years?" Stan exclaimed, his eyes huge. "That's fucking insane." 

"What can I say? My mom's crazy." A little dejected, Kyle sighed. "I'm hoping if I take some AP classes, I can get away with some B's here and there."

"Hey, don't worry about it. You're the smartest kid I know. If anybody got this, it's you." Wrapping his arm around the other boy's neck, Stan gave him an encouraging squeeze. "That means you'll try out for baseball right? Not going to wimp out on me?" 

"I already told you, I can only play sports if I maintain a 4.0 GPA," Kyle said with disbelief, "and you want me to play baseball with you too? When did I agree to this?"

"Didn't you? Best friend, ol' buddy, ol' pal?" Stan cocked an eyebrow, reminding Kyle a little bit of Randy when he has that crazed determined look in his eyes. 

A few minutes ticked by and Kyle started to sweat. Finally, he said grudgingly, "...I guess I'll try..."

Oblivious to the reluctant tone- Kyle swears Stan sometimes is the younger version of his dad- the blue-eyed devil grinned back at him. "That's all I ask, dude. That's all I ask." 

The pair of them continued to walk down the street towards home. Sometimes they said nothing, able to find comfort in the silence, but often times they rattled off on random topics in a nonstop chatter. It was like they could never run out of things to say when they were together, even though they practically spent all their waking hours in each others' company. 

They were talking about perhaps visiting Kenny, Stan's arm still carelessly thrown over Kyle's, when a woman stumbled and fell in front of them. The woman made no effort to right herself, but instead crumpled inward, letting out the most wretched wail either boys ever heard. 

Feeling a tug on his shirt, Stan looked over. Kyle jerked his head to the right, indicating they should leave. Now. Stan nodded and they inched their way towards the other side of the street, well away from the sobbing woman in front of them. It wasn't that they weren't sympathetic to a crying woman, but this was South Park. For all they know, she could be a crazed serial killer. Anything was possible in their little mountain town. Anything. 

They took no more than two steps, when the woman looked up and saw them through her tears. There was a moment of hesitation as the boys wondered if they should run for it or not, when- too late- the woman pointed at them and made a gurgling sound at the back of her throat. Before Stan or Kyle could react, she lunged at them. She grabbed both their hands, tugging them towards her until they could smell the stale stench of alcohol on her breath. 

"I'm going to get rabies, I'm going to get rabies" and ”Please don't have HIV, please don't have HIV" raced through the duos minds as she brought her face closer to them. 

"You two bastards!" The boys visibly jumped at the raspy voice. "True love doesn't exist! It's all a fucking lie! That lying son of a bitch, I gave him my life and he left me for that whore!" She spat her words at them, her knuckle turned white as her grip tightened on their wrist. Her eyes, bright with tears and borderline insanity, bore into theirs when another sob tore at her throat. "...T-thank you. Thank you so much." Gratitude suddenly replacing the venom in her voice, the woman rested her forehead against Stan and Kyle's joined hands like it was a sacred thing. "I'm so h-happy I ran into you two. I thought my life was over b-because you know, the love of my life jilted me f-for someone younger. I thought love was a total lie, but then, when I look at you guys, I know that's not true. True love, soul mates, it does exist." 

The woman let go their hands and wipe away the tears streaming down her cheeks. She smiled. "I just have to find the right person to share my life with like you two did. Thank you! I hope I'll be just as lucky!" 

Stan and Kyle stood dumbfounded by what the woman said, what she implied. They stood in silence even when the woman bounded away from sight, leaving behind her chaos and turmoil. It was Stan who finally found his voice. "Did...did she think we were-"

"Don't say it." Kyle squeezed his eyes shut as if that was enough to block out the image. 

Stan bit his lip. It was one thing when family and friends joked they were gay, but it was a whole another ball park when strangers started to do it. Suddenly, the joke wasn't so funny anymore. "You think the entire town thinks we're-"

"No."

"But Kyle, what if-"

"Shut up," The redhead snapped. Stan's limp arm fell away from Kyle's when he reached up to readjust his hat. "It's cold and we still got damn homework to finish. So move it or lose it, Stan."

Both boys agreed to never mention this again. This never happened.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The last and final straw that broke the camel's back came courtesy of Stan's dad. 

The weekend school started again after Christmas break ended, Kyle spent the night at Stan's, something they did every Friday since they were 5. 

Although it was only a matter of time before they overtook their parents in terms of height, at heart they'd always be little boys. Freshmen in high school and nevertheless, they giggled like toddlers as they made an indoor tent out of blankets and sheets; buzzed with excitement on the idea of staying up all night to play games and watch movies. A tad childish perhaps, but they were at the age where they still could get away with it. 

Shoulder to shoulder in their sleeping bags , Stan and Kyle huddled together in their makeshift tent. A bowl of popcorn laid between them, but the junk food long sat there forgotten. 20 minutes into the movie, their greasy, buttered hands clutched their pillows to their chests and since then, refused to let go. 

Horror movies nowadays were a complete joke, full of cheap scares and torture porn. However, the one Token recommended to them turned out to be pretty good. More suspenseful and intense than either boys bargained for. They weren't wimps, but fuck, who wouldn't get chills when the clock chimed 3AM and the creepy ass doll started to crawl its way towards the bed? Or the scene where the kids were stuck at a dead end, and every time the light flickered, the figure at the end of the hallway got closer and closer? 

Heart racing, eyes glued to the laptop, the boys never heard the creak of Stan's door open. A shadow loomed over them, but the boys never saw. On screen, the mother reached forward with trembling hands towards her son and daughter. Her children had gone missing a week before. The police told her the chances of finding them alive were slim, but look! She found them! They were in front of her, she could see them in the mirror! They were standing behind her reflection, smiling. Her hands inched forward, almost touching the mirror's surface. 

"Don't do it, you dumb blonde!" Stan muttered under his breath. "They're dead! They're going to kill you!"

Kyle clutched the pillow tighter, half-covering his face. "How stupid can you be? If she touches that mirror, she deserves to die, damn it!" 

Her nails grazed the cool glass and hands the color of murky water slid against her palm. They wrapped around her wrist, pulling, urging her forward when-

"STAN!" 

Ear splitting screams pierced the room when the boys finally noticed someone grab the side of their tent. Feet tangled, arms flailed as they tried to free themselves from the confines of their sleeping bags. The chairs supporting their structure fell and the tent collapsed on top of them. They struggled to find an exit when Stan heard his dad's voice. "God damn it, Stanley, what are you doing?" 

The blanket suffocating them was suddenly yanked off, and Stan found himself staring up at the older Marsh. "Dad?" He blinked rapidly to clear his vision "What are you doing?"

"Me, Stanley? You're asking me what I'm doing? I should be asking you that!" Randy Marsh said, punctuating his every word with wild gestures. 

Stan slapped a hand to his face. He wasn't in the mood to deal with one of his dad's episodes. "I don't know, Dad, what am I doing? I thought I was just watching a horror movie with Kyle, but apparently that's not it."

Randy stomped his foot, not appreciating the disinterested tone of his son. "Damn it, Stanley! I thought you played football! What, you weight 30-40 pounds more than Kyle's scrawny ass?"

"Hey!" Kyle got up from where he laid to glare, but Stan quickly shushed him. His dad had something on his mind and Stan didn't want Kyle to rile him up more than necessary. Already he had a bad feeling about where this conversation was headed. Hesitantly, as if to test the water, Stan cautiously replied, "Yes...I play football...So..?"

The older Marsh groaned in disgust. He pointed at the compromising position the two of them were in. In the middle of scuffle, Kyle ended up lying on top of Stan. And if that was not incriminating enough, Stan had his hands wrapped loosely around the redhead's neck and shoulders. To Randy's eyes, it looked like he interrupted an intimate moment between the two. 

"If you weigh more than him, what the hell are you letting him pin you down?" Randy scowled down at his son. "Instead of taking it up the ass, you should be pounding that ass!" 

Stan sucked in a horrified breath. "DAD!" He yelled. What new crap was coming out of his idiot of a father's mouth this time?! "Jesus fucking Christ, Dad! What the fuck?! Are you drunk again?! Kyle and I aren't-"

His dad wasn't listening anymore. He never did. He just threw his hands up in disgust and lamented about his own misfortune. "I knew football was gay when I heard players had to take ballet. I knew it!" 

"But Dad-"

"No, Stanley! No!" Pausing dramatically at the threshold between the hallway and Stan's room, the boys could only see the back of his head as he sighed. "I understand if this is your lifestyle now. I guess...it's manly too. When I heard you were gay, I watched a lot of gay porno, Stanley, just for you. So I know...There's a lot of pain involved. It hurts taking it up the ass, it really fucking hurts." From where Stan laid, he couldn't tell, but when his dad's voice began to tremble, he was sure his dad was crying. Stan shared a look with Kyle and they both rolled their eyes. 

"I guess only a true man can endure the pain...of taking a man's dick up their asshole. You're still my son, Stanley. My manly son." Randy sniffed as he finished his little speech. 

When the doors closed, the boys sighed with relief as the hurricane that was Stan's dad left, but they spoke too soon. The door popped back open and Randy stuck his head back in sheepishly. "Oh, I almost forgot why I came in here." He threw a small black box that bounced off Stan's head. "Don't forget to use condoms, boys. Remember, safe sex is great sex! See you two at breakfast!" 

This time when the doors closed, it stayed closed. 

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes. He could feel a raging headache coming on. "I think my dad went from stupid to full on retarded. 

Kyle didn't answer. Instead, he finally rolled off of his friend and flopped his head down onto his pillow. "I swear I hate this fucking town," he said, though his words were obscured by the downy feathers.

That night, they decided something had to done about that stupid rumor. It had gone far enough. They weren't fucking gay and especially not for each other. They weren't. 

When school started back up on Monday, everyone will finally see just how straight they really were. Once. And. For. All.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy moly this was a long prologue. Despite the length, this entire chapter was just to establish why Kyle felt he had to resort to "the plan" and a glimpse of the boys' friendship. Really, just setting up for the main meat of the story.
> 
> This story will hit tons of overused Style cliches, though I hope my take on some of them will still be interesting to some. I'll state now that I quite despise melodrama for the sake of causing drama, so don't expect too much angst or lamenting in this fic. Most of this is written with tongue in cheek as I'm sure you can tell by the tone I set already lol...


	2. Chapter 2

Warm and snug in his own bed on a Sunday morning, Stan slept peacefully until something smacked him _hard_ in the face. Immediately, he tensed- his muscles ready for fight or flight- but when he heard the voice he grew up hearing all his life, a smile crept up on him despite being so rudely awakened.

"Stan, wake up. You need to see this!"

All semblance of tension melted away as he recognized who it was raging at him so early in the morning. He'd know that voice anywhere; it was the same one he picked out among the thousands of suicidal Blainetologists all those years ago. Puberty and growth spurts lent a deeper timbre to the voice- a hint of the man it'll one day belong to- but despite the changes, Stan would never mistaken Kyle for anyone else.

Which is why he didn't bother to open his eyes. It was still too early for him to deal with this shit. Whatever the crazy ginger had in mind, it could wait until _after_ he got his full eight hours of sleep.

"Dude." There was a firm nudge on his shoulder."Seriously, wake the fuck up. I found out how this all started."

"Go away, Kyle," Stan mumbled. He buried his head deeper beneath the pillow, trying his damnedest to pretend that he was still asleep.

To Stan's surprise, his half-hearted request was met with blissful silence...Which was odd. Kyle usually put up more of a fuss than this. If he wasn't so tired from his late night gaming, he would've wondered about the meekness. After all, red hair and meekness just didn't mix. The stereotype that redheads had a fiery temperament was something Stan could testify as tried and true.

Sure, he complained and told Kyle to leave, but he didn't really expect it to be taken seriously. Kyle was a stubborn bastard, a trait he inherited from his mother. When he set his mind to something, he could be a determined asshole about it. Admittedly, he was right more often than wrong and his heart was in the correct place most of the time, but his pigheadedness usually made things worse. Smart as the redhead may be, the word "compromise" wasn't in his vast vocabulary. His obstinance to prove himself right and everyone else wrong, made him an easy target to manipulate; something Cartman often took advantage of. Rile him up and before long, Kyle would end up shooting himself in the foot. His infamous hotheadedness landed him in stupid situations easily avoided if he actually took a step back and _breathed_. Stan told him multiple times to just chill, but did Kyle ever listen? Of course not.

When the mattress dipped beneath Kyle's weight, Stan stifled an annoyed groan. Apparently, Kyle wasn't going to listen to his request to go away either.

"Hm," the Jew began derisively. Stan ignored it by rolling over on his bed and presenting his back to the other boy. Calmly, Kyle continued anyway, "I guess this means the double date with Mr. Slave and Big Al is a go? I bet they're scouting us as potential swing partners for when we turn 18. I wouldn't put it past them. If we're doing it, I call dibs on Big Al. I mean, hell. I'm surprised he hasn't been swallowed by Mr. Slave's carnivorous ass yet."

Sighing, Stan finally cracked open an eye to look over his shoulder. He glared at his friend before looking over to glare at his clock. "It's 6:30 in the morning-"

"6:23."

Stan squeezed his eyes shut, holding in the urge to kill something. Namely Kyle. "Whatever. The point is, it's way too fucking early for this. Couldn't you have waited like 3 more hours before you ruin the rest of my day with something like 'carnivorous ass'?"

"You're lucky I even waited this long." Kyle leaned over the disgruntled boy to reach for the newspaper he used earlier to hit him with. He snapped it open to the front page and shoved it against Stan's face. "Read this."

Defeated and peeved for being such a push over, Stan gave into the fact that sleep was now a lost cause. "I hate you sometimes," he said without much heat, the newspaper falling into his lap as he sat up.

Kyle rolled his eyes and waved away Stan's bitching. "Yeah, yeah. I'm a piece of a shit and you love me. Been there, done that. Yaddi yaddi yadda." He jabbed a finger to the news article. "Now read this piece of crap."

Half-awake at last, Stan's gaze followed to where Kyle pointed. In bold, block letters, printed on the front page were the words "True Love Does Exist". Beneath the ostentatious headline, much to Stan's dawning horror, was a full-blown picture of him and Kyle hugging. He snatched the paper from his lap and quickly scanned through the article.

_"Secrets are hard to keep in a small town. Secrets don't remain a secret for long when everyone knows everyone and their business. If you tried hard enough, you could maybe get away with it for a few weeks, maybe months, but eventually the truth comes spilling forward."_

_"There is one secret, though, that has been well kept and hidden from prying eyes. Or rather, it was an open secret that no one wanted to acknowledge because to acknowledge it would be to give it life. But I'm here to open the eyes of the blind and ears of the deaf..."_

_"...For my two deepest and best friends, I only wish them happiness. Happiness to frolic in the light where they don't have to keep their relationship hidden. And why should it be? Because they're gay? It's sad that people of this town is so afraid of something different that they can't see the beauty, the purity of the love between Stan Marsh and Kyle Broflovski. No couple I know- straight or gay- comes even close to the perfection that the two of them have created together. No one has gone through the things they've gone through and come out a stronger, more loving pair..."_

_"...Instead of condemning them, people should look up to them instead. They have the type of love that poets write about, the type the rest of us can only envy. The first time I realized they're the ideal couple was when Kyle fell sick and Stan decided to do something about it..."_

"What the actual fuck," Stan croaked, unable to handle the absolute bull crap written in front of him. It was puking rainbows and shitting candies about how gay he and Kyle were for each other, and that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was that he couldn't exactly call the article libel either. It was true he got Kyle his kidney transplant; he did write a song dedicated to his friend so he'll come back home. He couldn't even deny the fact that his heart did break when Kyle sided with Cartman during the Console War. Who wrote this article?! How the hell they know so much?!

"What the fuck, my sentiment exactly." Kyle scowled. "Did you get the part about how we're not like magnets drawn to each other, but more like oxygen and fire? But my favorite part is the last bit." He grabbed the paper from Stan's limp hands. Ruthlessly, he turned to find the right column, the pages snapping beneath his fingers like taut wires.

"Most of us spend our entire lives looking for our soul mates, our other half. Some of us are lucky to find them, some of us would spend the rest of eternity feeling incomplete," Kyle spat out the sentimental lines like a bad aftertaste he couldn't wait to get rid of. His scowl deepened as he continued in disgust. "Not all of us can be like Stan and Kyle. No one can be like them. They found each other from the beginning. More than soul mates, they are a soul divided into two separate bodies. Only a cruel and uncaring heart would dream of tearing them apart. Society may not accept homosexuality, but I believe in them. Through thick and thin, rain or shine, the two of them will pull through. They always do and always will."

Kyle tossed the article back at Stan. "This was published back in August. Right before we started high school."

Stan counted in his head and was amazed by the number. "Six months ago? How come we never heard anything about this?"

"We did. We've been hearing about it for the last six months!" Kyle yelled, his control over his temper splintering into a million pieces. He launched himself off the bed and began to pace back and forth restlessly. "We heard it from our parents. We heard it from our teammates. We fucking heard it from that crazy lady in the street! Everybody has read this pile of cow shit!"

"Dude." Stan winced as each sentence got louder than the last. They were lucky Shelly was back in her college dorms or they'd be in for a beating right about now. "Calm down. You'll wake my parents."

"Calm down?!" Kyle was in near hysterics. He turned his bright green eyes onto Stan accusingly. "Calm down? How the hell do you expect me to calm down when Cartman's involved?"

Stan rubbed a hand over his face to clear away the cobwebs. This was quickly getting to get out of control. For fuck sakes, the sun was barely even up so why did he have to be? He knew he should've kicked Kyle out when he had the chance. "Cartman?" he said, exhaustion in his voice. "Don't tell me fat ass wrote the article? It doesn't sound like him. Too flowery and shit."

"Take a look at the author's name."

When Stan looked down, sure enough at the end of column was the name "Eric Cartman". He shook his head. "Maybe I'm not awake enough yet, but this doesn't make sense. We know Cartman. He doesn't do anything unless it benefits him. It's one thing to call us fags all the time, but it's another to print something on the newspaper and have the whole town think we're gay. I mean, maybe he wanted to watch us squirm or something, but we didn't even know about it until now. I don't get it."

The novelty of the news wearing off, Stan flopped back down onto his bed, outwardly nonchalant about the whole thing. Kyle stopped pacing, irked at how calm and collected Stan was. He wanted to stay angry at the situation, to keep on ranting about the injustice of it all, but to continue alone would make him seem like a raving lunatic in comparison to Stan's Zen like state.

Staring daggers into his friend's resting form, Kyle plopped down on the swivel chair. It annoyed him that the hippie side of Stan just had to pop up at such an inopportune time. Fucking great. "Token and Nicole broke up around the end of July," he said gruffly as a way of explanation, arms folded tightly across his chest.

"So..?"

"So?" Kyle scoffed indignant. "I told you I had summer school with Nicole and we started talking! I was wondering why she started avoiding me _again!_ Don't you remember the _last_ time when Cartman tried to get the two of them together, but I was in the way?"

Stan's lips twitched, but he carefully covered it with a yawn. "Uh...ah...Is that the time Cartman professed his love for you and all the girls thought you two were fags together?"

"Yes! But this time, he's made it about you and me! He probably thinks it's more believable this way."

"Dude, chill. It's not a big deal." Stan stretched, popping out a few kinks along his spine.

"Chill?" Kyle hissed. "Yesterday when I finally tracked down the newspaper, I had a chat with my parents about it, Stan. I asked them why weren't they suspicious about something written by the most bigoted, anti-Semitic person on Earth, and you know what they said?" Stan opened his mouth to speak, but the redhead just barreled right over him, getting more agitated as he remembered the conversation he had with his parents the day before. "They said they've always suspected it, but like the article wrote, they were afraid to admit I was gay, because they didn't want a gay son! The thing Cartman wrote opened their eyes to the _truth._ My mom said and I quote, 'After Stanley saved your life, I always knew you belonged to him.'" The chair knocked over as Kyle got up. He marched over to the other boy and lifted him up by the collar of his shirt. He snarled into his face, "Literally, that's what she said. I belong to you like some fucking property! So don't tell me to fucking chill, dude!"

Stan said nothing, but Kyle caught a suspicious smile at the corner of his mouth. "What's so funny?" he demanded, adding a little shake to prove his point.

Caught, Stan didn't bother to contain the grin from splitting his face. He admitted truthfully, "Your mom calls you booby."

"So?" Kyle furrowed his brows, not finding the humor in the age old pet name. "She's called me that all my life."

Stan laughed right into his face. "Yeah, kind of ironic isn't it? Since according to her, you aren't into boobs."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter actually has quite a few more paragraphs to go, but considering I just finished a very depressing Style fic, I can't write anymore since this story is meant to have a light, childish tone. Can't do that with a heavy heart. 
> 
> This is my first venture into the SP fandom, so I'm sorry if I don't have the characterization down yet. Apologies if Kyle is a bit too hysterical.
> 
> I didn't add it in the last note because it would've been too long, but I'll take this chance to clear some things up. This story is split into three acts. Each "act" is more or less individual stories that can be read with or without having read the other parts, but for me, they're interconnected because I'm writing it as a continuation of Stan and Kyle's relationship. They are also split into different Acts because each act progressively gets more intimate. I want to post them separately in case some people don't want to read more mature content. That's why this story is called "Sum of the Total" because everything accumulates.
> 
> Act 1- Rated K+ because there's nothing too sexual in this. This is them actually developing feelings for one another.
> 
> Act 2- Rated T because things start to heat up after they officially start to date
> 
> Act 3- Rated M because hey, they're hormonal teenagers. What do you expect?
> 
> In all honesty, I just want to hurry and finish up Act 1 because I've already lost interest in it lol...At least Act 2 has some action damn it!


	3. Outline of Act 1 and 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've basically given up on Act 1 and 2 of this story. So here's the outline I had planned for the two acts. While I made the summary seem like it's about Stan and Kyle squashing the rumors, in fact the story was built upon the idea that Kyle and Bebe were each others beards. They bonded and lamented over the fact they were in love with their best friends: Kyle for Stan and Bebe for Wendy. So the plot evolved from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the outline I wrote before I even wrote the story lol. I'm writing Act 3 because that's the only part of the story I'm interested in still. You don't technically have to read this to get Part 3, though I make some references here and there. I had planned to delete this story altogether, but in the end decided to leave it up for people who liked the Randy part in the prologue.
> 
> Since I hate leaving stories unfinished, I hope you guys don't mind an outline as a substitute.

"Oh hahaha, you're hilarious. Did you bust a blood vessel with such a big word like 'ironic'?" Peeved, Kyle shoved the other boy's shit eating grin into the bed with a disgruntled hand. "But I'm serious, Stan. If the town paired us up without us knowing about it, one day we might end up married to each other without even being part of the wedding. Fat ass is _not_ going to win, damn it!"

"Are overreacting because suddenly Cartman is involved?"

"Dude, I am not overreacting because it's Cartman...Okay, maybe a little bit, but mostly because it's South Park. You know the shit this town is capable of."

Stan thought for a moment and quickly conceded the point. He's seen weirder things than two guys marrying without their knowledge. "What do you suggest then?"

Kyle: Well obviously, they think we're (Kyle can barely say the world without gagging) gay because we don't have girlfriends. So the obvious solution is to get girlfriends!

Stan: Sounds like a plan, but you make it sound so easy. It's not like we can just waltz up to any girl and say let's go out.

Kyle: You can at least ask Wendy. I think she still has a soft spot for you.

Stan: God, I don't want to go through that whole "on and off" relationship again...

Kyle: You guys still talk don't you?

Stan: Yeah, but just as friends.

Kyle: Then ask her for a favor. It's at least until this whole thing blows over. It's not like she's dating anyone right now. She owes you big time, ME big time, for all those time she made me stay up and listening to you bawl your eyes out over her.

Stan: I was not bawling my eyes out!

Kyle ignores it: I'm going to try and ask Bebe

Stan widen his eyes: Bebe? Uh, aren't you aiming a little too high?

Kyle turns and glares: What is that suppose to mean? I'm not good enough?

Stan: No, no, that's not what I mean, but dude. _Everyone_ wants a piece of that. You got lots of competition.

Kyle: My point exactly.

Stan:...I don't follow.

Kyle: Bebe agrees to sleep with any guy that asks her. Only losers and gay guys don't want to sleep with her. Being with her automatically makes you straight. I don't even have to really date her. Just being seen with her for a few minutes is good enough to stop the rumors dude. All I have to do is invite her out for lunch or dinner, talk a bit and I'm golden!

Stan: You sure? I don't know man

Kyle: You got a better idea?

When Stan says nothing, Kyle nods his head and gets ready to head back home. Before he leaves he tells Stan: Oh and while we're at it, I think for a while we shouldn't hang out as much.

Stan: Dude, you serious? Things can't be that bad right?

Kyle: Should we pick out our rings and name our kids while we're at it? I'm fucking serious, Stan. I'm your super best friend, but I sure as hell not your super best fuck buddy!

Kyle slams the door close and Stan winces. He sighs. He's bothered by how the rumor escalated as well, but like anything in South Park, it'll blow over after a few months. People here had a short attention span. But it was just like Kyle to get sucked into and riled up by something once it got stuck in his head. He'll just wait until Kyle gets over it too or when he needs saving again.

* * *

When Stan talked his parents, he was surprised to find that his dad wasn't making such a big fuss about it. His mother explained that he's pouting about it, but it's not "gay" if you're the one sticking it in, according to your dad. He has a weird sense of masculinity. Like...it's more manly if you're the one pining a guy down?

Their parents at first didn't approve of the relationship, barring Sharon who was more understanding, but upon reading the article, Sheila cried and said it was very touching. Gerald thought it was beautiful. Randy had a soul-searching moment and tried to understand Stan until they had an intervention for him where they explained that if Stan was already that bad when they "broke" up being friends, imagine what Stan would be like if they were boyfriends and broke up? Randy rather have a gay son than no son at all. All of this went on without the boys noticing.

* * *

After Wendy and Stan broke up in 7th grade, Stan tried to ask Red on a rebound, but she declined, saying she was interested in Mark instead. (Suggesting that Stan only went after her because of her red hair). Although they were on and off all through elementary, during the last few years they were together, they developed more of a friendship type of relationship. They were still fond of each other, but there was no longer a spark. They decided to mutually end things and decided to stay as friends instead.

The next day at his locker, he finds Wendy waiting for him. He's surprised. Wendy smiles at him with bemusement. "Kyle called me last night." Stan closes his eye and pinches the bridge of his nose. "What did he say?"

Wendy: Something along the lines of if I still have feelings for you, it's a great opportunity for us to get back together. If not, then I should still help out. He says I owe him for all those nights he had to stay up and console you. I'm a heartless bitch if I don't help.

Stan sighs: Jesus. Sorry Wendy, I didn't think Kyle would

Wendy: Are you two really not dating?

Stan is shocked by this: God, of course not!

* * *

Bebe claims Kyle must love Stan and Kyle says not all best friends are in love with each other that way. Look at her and Wendy! They're best friends and no one is making weird rumors about them. Bebe stirs her drink slowly before telling Kyle he's using the wrong example. She is in love with Wendy and has been for some time.

* * *

Stan is completely oblivious that he's a total babe magnet, a "catch". The only drawback is that everyone thinks he's already dating Kyle. Without either of them knowing, somehow they've become the town's "idealized couple". Even on the town's brochure, it states they're an open minded town that's great for gay couples to raise their family without worry and under than paragraph is a picture of Kyle and Stan sitting in the park smiling at each other and eating ice cream.

* * *

At lunch while Kyle is with Bebe and Wendy is with Stan, Stan glares from across the field to glare at his best friend. Wendy sighs beside him and turns his face to look at her.

Wendy: Stan, if you want people to believe that we're back together and you're actually not banging Kyle, you gotta stop staring at his ass and actually look at me

Stan: I'm not staring at his ass! I was staring at Bebe and how slutty she looks

Wendy narrows her eyes: Bebe is not a slut. I'd watch me tongue if I were you or I'll break up with you right now with a slap and make a big scene of it.

Wendy tells Stan that it's totally obvious that Kyle likes him that way. Stan can't believe it. If that's true, then why did Kyle set this up. Wendy shrugs and says maybe it's because Kyle doesn't want people to know. Wendy tells Stan that he's so oblivious. If he just pays attention, all the signs are there. So Stan fidgets and gets uncomfortable with the idea. He becomes self-conscious around Kyle and is a bit glad that they agreed to avoid each other. Afterward, Stan gets annoyed when Kyle is not beside him.

Later after Stan realizes that he's in love with Kyle and has been for some time, he hopes that it's true that Kyle does like him. He confronts Kyle and asks does he like him and Kyle says of course, Stan is his best friend. Stan asks him no, not that way, but like a lover. Kyle pauses and panics. He wonder how did Stan figure it out. To stall time, Kyle asks why is stan asking him this. Stan tells him about the rumor. This time Kyle doesn't have to act annoyed and says it's just a baseless rumor. Stan is his and always will be his best friend. That will never change. He can't wait until this whole thing is over with and behind them. Neither of them notice that they're disappointed by Kyle's answer and then Stan's response.

* * *

The longer they are apart, the more foul Stan's mood gets. Everyone considered him chill and calmer of the two, but since they implemented the plan and Stan notices how Kyle and Bebe are close now, he'd snap at the smallest things while Kyle seemed to have found his inner peace. It got to the point that when Cartman ragged on his and Kyle's supposed "fag couple", Stan (who usually shrugs it off) actually flips over the table to knock Cartman out. Stan gets suspended and Kyle goes to visit him. Stan glares at Kyle and snidely remarks, "I thought we were suppose to ignore each other." Kyle rolls his eyes and says, "What kind of friend would I be if I didn't visit you at least?"

Stan: How long is this going to last?

Kyle: You're suspended 3 days right?

Stan scowls: NO! This whole charade. You avoiding me.

Kyle: Oh...Uh, two more weeks I think?

Stan is in a foul mood and answers one wordly. Kyle, knowing Stan can be difficult when he's in a bad mood, gets up to leave Stan to stew alone. However, when he gets up, Stan grabs him by the wrist. "Where are you going?"

Kyle: To Bebe's. We had plans tonight

Stan tighten his grip: Don't. Stay

Kyle: Stan, what are you doing?

Stan swallows: Kyle, I-

But then Wendy knocks on the door and interrupts the moment. Kyle frees himself from Stan with a smile: I'll let you two have a moment.

Stan reluctantly let's Kyle leave while Wendy comes in.

* * *

Kyle never really minded Wendy. He liked her as a person, but when they were kids, he also got annoyed with her for taking his friend away from him on occasion. However, when he realized he liked Stan, Kyle resents the fact when she gets too close to Stan. He hates how she can make him laugh. Even though this was his idea, he doesn't like it.

* * *

Bebe tells Kyle that everyone thinks Kyle was the one that pined for Stan until Stan finally agreed to date. There is a bet 2/3 in Stan's favor that the school body think Stan is the top in the relationship. Kyle is embarrassed and enraged by this (This bet is what fuel Kyle's refusal to let Stan top in Act 3).

* * *

Wendy tells Stan that they broke up because she felt her relationship with him would always pale in comparison to what Stan had with Kyle. Stan always put Kyle as his first priority. Even when he ditched Kyle for her, she could tell that Stan was never in to it and always seems swamped with guilt on their date. Stan says that's not true. He was really broken hearted after she broke up with him. Wendy says, "Yes, I know and I'm sorry for that. You turned Goth for a bit, but you got over it didn't you? Now, imagine if Kyle was no longer your friend, that he no longer wanted to see you. How does that feel?"

Stan stops walking besides Wendy and clutches his heart because it suddenly felt like it was being horribly squeezed. Wendy watches Stan's face and shakes her head. Boys could be so stupid, but she already knew Stan was a bit slow in the romance department.

Wendy: See?

* * *

Wendy and Bebe have their weekly lunch together and they both complain about how stupid Stan and Kyle are. They're both gay for each other, but too stupid to realize it. Wendy says that they should just stay out of it and let nature take its course. Bebe thinks for a bit and says she actually really liked Kyle. It's fun teasing him. She doesn't mind if they stay together for a bit longer while he figures himself out. Wendy is horrified. Bebe just laughs and says she won't get in the way, but while Kyle is exploring his sexuality, she doesn't mind being his practice partner. Wendy shakes her head with disapproval and says to not take things too far. Bebe winks and says Stan will later learn to appreciate how good of a kisser Kyle became. Bebe says Wendy can do the same with Stan. She reaches for Wendy's hand and squeezes it consolingly. She knows Wendy still has a soft spot for the jock. Wendy smiles and returns the squeeze before removing her hand to stir her drink absentmindedly and shakes her head. She tells Bebe that back in 3rd-4th grade they might've worked out when Stan actually really liked her. But every time after that, they only got back together out of habit. Stan was no longer really into her and she could tell, but she was too stubborn to let him go. She won't repeat that mistake again just because she was nostalgic. She tells Bebe that Stan needs someone strong and opinionated because when he gets emotional, he needs a shoulder he can depend on. However, he also needs someone to coddle and take care of. He likes the feeling of being needed, of being useful. She can be the former, but she was never the latter. She'd never let herself be victimized. For example, when she said she was going to fight Cartman back in 4th grade. Stan felt and knew he didn't need to interfere because he knew she could take care of herself. Wendy sighs.

Wendy: Kyle may not realize this, but with his tendency to get sick and get stuck in stupid situations, he inadvertently fulfills Stan's hero syndrome.

Bebe: Huh, that's a lot of insight on their relationship

Wendy smiles with bemusement: Took me four years of dating Stan on and off and competing for his attention to realize I can't compete with Kyle. I better have a good insight on why I can't win against a dude.

* * *

When Bebe mentions that Kyle no longer seems to have much a temper anymore, Kyle is surprised to notice this too. He shrugs and suggests it's probably because he hasn't been hanging out with Cartman as much. Bebe smirks and says, "No, I think it might be because you were sexually frustrated." Kyle is about to rebuke her but no words come out. He blushes and pulls his hat to cover his eyes. "I think you might be right." And Bebe just laughs.

Bebe: At least there's a benefit for you two. You're pre-accepted as a couple.

Kyle realizes that he was in love with Stan about the same time he stopped caring that Cartman called them fags.

* * *

At the tender age of 15, Bebe has already made a reputation for herself as the school slut. Even though that's true, her popularity has only sky rocketed because it was undeniable she was smoking hot. When Bebe starts to go out with Kyle, people thought it was only a fling but to their surprise she's not cheating on him with anyone else. People begins to think it's serious.

Bebe kisses Kyle in front of everyone. Kyle is bemused and Bebe explains that 1) it's a good cover and 2) just look at Stan. When Kyle looks at Stan, there's a red tint to his cheeks and he's glaring at them. Bebe laughs and says Stan is jealous. When Stan realizes Kyle is looking, he readjusts his expression. Stan and Kyle look at each other from across the room and share a smile. They were best friends, had been their entire lives. Sometimes they just had to look at each other and without saying anything, just understand. In that moment, they understood that what they had went beyond best friends.

* * *

Bebe tells Kyle that if they talk about looks, Stan is easily the top 3 hottest boy in their class. When Kyle asks what about him, she says he's somewhere between top 15 or 10. Kyle says there's only 40 boys in their class. Bebe laughs and says if it's about looks, Kyle is in the top half at least, but if they're talking about ass, Kyle is number 1 hands down. She leers at Kyle and says she's always been an ass type of girl.

Bebe mentions that Kyle reminds her of Wendy. Not in the looks department obviously, but their temperament. If they really thought about it, she and Wendy were the female versions of he and Stan. Stan and Bebe were the lookers; the high school heart throbs while Kyle and Wendy were the academics, the moral compass.

* * *

Wendy asks Stan is he _sure_ he's not in love with Kyle? Stan glares at Wendy and says he and Kyle are just best friends. Can't people just be friends with each other? Wendy rolls her eyes and says, Craig and Clyde are best friends. She and Bebe are best friends, but what Stan and Kyle have together is closer than mere best friends. Their relationship is even more closer than most married couple she's witness. Stan glares at her harder and says, "Have you ever brought down a cult to save Bebe?" Wendy is taken aback by this a bit and says no gingerly. "Then have you ever been kidnapped by aliens and tried to save Earth from cancelation?" "Have you ever been warped to some parallel universe?" "Concoct a plan to save your friend from kidney failure?" As Stan asks more questions, Wendy throws up her hand and says in exasperation, "Fine! Fine! I get it. You and Kyle are best buds because you went through a lot of crap together!"

However, she points out that everything Stan just said was written in the article that started all of this farce. After a few minutes of silence, Wendy asks has he ever thought about Kyle in that way? Stan says of course not! Kyle is his best friend. Has Wendy ever thought of Bebe that way? Wendy replies of course she has. Everyone wonders once or twice if they could be romantically involved with their best buddy. After all, no one can understand them like a best friend does. Stan is a bit shocked by this revelation. Wendy says she's thought about it, but knows she's pretty much straight since she can't imagine doing anything sexual with Bebe. She tells Stan to imagine it. Stan scrunches up his nose and says he rather not. Wendy rolls her eyes and says, "Men. So afraid to be labeled gay, that they can't even be secured of their own sexuality." So she asks Stan does he love Kyle and Stan replies, "Yes. He's my best friend." So she asks him, "Fine. Then why don't you rebuke people by telling them, 'I love Kyle like a brother. It'll be like incest.'" After some convincing, Stan tries to repeat after Wendy, but finds that he can't complete the sentence because saying he loves Kyle like a brother sounds totally wrong.

* * *

Bebe let's Kyle grab her breasts because he used to go crazy over them. Kyle squeezes them and says he was always curious about breasts and he tells Bebe she has a nice pair. Kyle is examining her breasts like a scientist would. As Kyle touches her, Bebe looks at his pants and notes that he isn't getting excited from it. In Bebe's room, she gets up on Kyle and says they should try an experiment. She straddles Kyle as he leans against her bed. She presses against him and kisses him on the lips. Objectively, Kyle notes that she feels nice and soft against him and she smells nice, but he just doesn't feel anything. It's a nice kiss, but it doesn't make him excited. Bebe tells him to imagine she's Stan now. Kyle tells her that Stan doesn't have breasts and he doesn't smell like flowers. Bebe rolls her eyes and tells him to use his imagination! This time Bebe pushes him on the ground and leans over him. When they start kissing and Kyle imagines it's Stan kissing him, he feels a jolt of excitement. When Bebe pulls back, she smirks and says, "I think you have your answer."

* * *

Kyle wants to continue the charade for the full 2 months despite figuring out he likes Stan (and Stan vice versa). There are things he wants to figure out like what to do now: stay as friends or risk it.

* * *

Bebe tries over and over again to get Kyle to confess because he's miserable without Stan. She bets it's not the bad when he tells Stan he likes him. Obviously Stan feels something too if he gets jealous whenever Kyle is seen with her. So Kyle says why doesn't she confess to Wendy! So they make a pact. If Bebe tells Wendy, Kyle will tell Stan.

Bebe confesses to Wendy and they kiss. Wendy smiles sadly and kisses Bebe on the cheek. She says that she loves Bebe, but like a sister. However, she's honored that someone as beautiful and intelligent as Bebe likes her. Wendy thanks hers and hugs her tightly. Bebe hugs back and says she knows and thanks Wendy for being her best friend. Kyle is waiting outside and Bebe shrugs her shoulders and says she got rejected. They go to the park and Bebe sobs her heart out while Kyle just hugs her consolingly.

* * *

At the summer party, Stan is standing off to the side with Wendy while Kyle is with Bebe. Wendy notices Kyle looking over in their direction. She laughs and pulls down Stan for a chaste kiss. She whispers against him, "Good luck." Stan is confused for a moment, but then Kyle snatches Stan's arms and immediately walks off with him. Wendy stands off to the side with Bebe as they watch the boys walk off. The two of them share a look of, 'Finally' before bursting out in laughter, arms slug over each other's shoulders.

Meanwhile, Kyle starts berating him for actually getting back together with Wendy. He's just setting himself up for an ending cycle of getting back together and breaking up. Stan temper flares and he yells that it was Kyle's idea. He was the one who called Wendy up to start dating again. They start arguing, their voices getting louder. Stan complains to Kyle about Bebe while Kyle yells at Stan about Wendy.

Kyle: I don't get what's your beef with Bebe. At least I'm not really dating her.

Stan: Sure doesn't look like it. You're with her 24/7 now! You're closer to her than with me.

Kyle: Whatever. I don't know why you're jealous. It's not like you don't have _wendy_ to nurse your lonely heart

Stan: Stop it with fucking Wendy. I already told you we're not dating.

Kyle: Oh right, because that kiss totally didn't mean any-

Stan: It was a good luck kiss okay! Because she knows I like you. I really like you! The boyfriend-girlfriend kind of like.

Both of them are kind of stunned by Stan's confession. But then Kyle blushes and asks Stan to elaborate. Stan rubs the back of his neck from embarrassment, but repeats himself after some stumbling attempts. He asks Kyle if he feels the same, but it's okay if he doesn't. They can still be friends. Kyle confesses that it took awhile, but he realized he likes Stan like that too. The both of them decide to walk to Stark's Pond and while they're walking side by side, their hands find each other. Stan laughs. Kyle looks at him, silently asking him what he finds amusing. Stan lifts their connected hand and says, "Looks like your plan backfired _again_. After everything, we really _are_ gay for each other now."

* * *

**Act II**

Not much has changed since they admitted yeah, perhaps what they had went beyond mere super best friends. Perhaps they were each others' soul mates. Despite officially dating now, there relationship remained the same. They still played games and hung out with each other like they always did. The only thing that changed was an added label of "boyfriends". First and foremost they were best friends that would hold hands and sit closer than was appropriate for friends. Stan wonders if this is what his Uncle Jimbo and Ned were like. He and Kyle tried kissing just because and it starts off as awkward, especially when Stan puked on him. Kyle comment with bemusement at least he knows Stan at least likes him likes him. But after while, they make a game out of him and laugh and giggle and it becomes some sort of competition between the two. Still, kissing between them is far and in between. They took it more as a joke and extension of their friendship than anything. They are content leaving their relationship as is with their friendship at the forefront. There's still a sense of innocence to their relationship

It is only when Cartman makes a move on Kyle, does their relationship take a more serious turn. When Stan finds out that Cartman always had a crush on Kyle and wants to sabotage them, he gets insanely jealous. He starts to get clingy and insecure. He starts to want proof that Kyle loves him that way. They used to play games and when Stan won, the kisses used to be childish and for jokes, but now, when he won against Kyle, he kissed him seriously, passionately. Want, need, to possess, to dominate. Suddenly, Stan is asking for something Kyle isn't ready to give. He's taking it too far, too fast so Kyle gently ends the kiss. They stare at each other wide eyed and breathing hard. Instead of giddy happiness they both felt after kissing, there's something heavier in the air. Kyle's heart is racing in his chest and for once there's a mix of nervousness and embarrassment in his chest.

Since then, whenever they play games, Kyle is super nervous while Stan is determined. Kyle can't tell if he dreads or looks forward to Stan winning their games. When Kyle wins, he laughs halfheartedly and the stab in his chest, he can't tell if he's disappointed that Stan didn't win. Kyle turns towards Stan and smiles at Stan's pout. Stan suggests a best out of 3 game. Kyle shakes his head and as an apology for winning, he kisses Stan. It's different from Stan's passionate kiss, but it's definitely longer than a peck on the lips. When Stan tries to take control, Kyle pulls back and pushes gently against Stan's chest. Blushing, he says it's his win so it's on his terms. Stan silently nods. Kyle leans in again and their lips touch. This time, it's more slow and experimental, a hello and welcome back translated into a kiss.

When Stan starts being clingy, insecure, possessive, and always needing assurance, Kyle-at the end of his rope and patience- goes to Wendy for advice. He asks her is Stan always like this?

* * *

While Cartman never really actively hated Stan like he did to Kyle, he was beginning to realize that he may have targeted the wrong person his entire life. His arch nemesis wasn't the ginger Jew. It was the damn hippie. After Stan and Kyle really became fag for each other, Cartman admitted to himself that perhaps his hatred for Kyle was just his way of masking his affection for the Jew. Stan had to take everything he liked. First it was Kyle and their super best friend bullshit, then Wendy. And he had to be the Goddamn stereotypical hot jock, popular boy that everyone would love to eat his shit. Well not anymore. Cartman always thought he and Stan got along pretty great, especially if Kyle wasn't in the picture. However, if he thought about it, when Stan wasn't around and Kyle hangs out with him instead, he and Kyle got along super great. . If Cartman got rid of Stan, then perhaps his problems would be solved. Besides, with Stan gone, if Kyle didn't fall in love with him, Kyle would at least be miserable his entire life. That's gotta be a bonus.

* * *

Cartman admits his feelings to Kyle. Kyle is taken aback by it and thinks it's a joke for a second, but he realizes it's the truth and awkwardly tries to console Cartman, but he's in love with Stan. When Kyle confesses to Stan later that Cartman confessed to him his true feelings, Stan is outraged. He becomes absolutely insane with jealousy and won't listen to reason. Cartman baits Stan and Stan accepts. When they try to shake their hand on who will win Kyle, Kyle just beats the shit out of the both of them and calls them idiots. He's not a prize to be won; he's not girl and even if he was, he isn't afraid to beat the living shit out of them if they ever try this again without his consent.

* * *

Despite Kyle's assurance that he'll never like Cartman that way, Stan knows Cartman is one devious son of a bitch. Stan, knowing how manipulative Cartman is and how he won't stop at nothing until he get what he wants, devises a plan so that Cartman has another love interest. He caught the fact that Cartman mentioned that he takes everyone he likes and included Wendy on the list. He remember that time from younger when Wendy kissed Cartman. He feels bad for Wendy, but this was for the greater good. And if Cartman is really into guys...Butter would be a pretty good back up plan.

Stan locks Cartman up with Wendy in an empty classroom. They'll be let out the next morning. While he's not sure if anything will come out of it, but he's crossing his fingers for the best. Wendy doesn't know Stan's plan, but she's heard about the confrontation Cartman and Stan had in the cafeteria. It's become pretty infamous at school, Cartman's multiple attempts to get Stan incarcerated or injured. She confronts him about that and Cartman is immediately defensive saying Stan deserves it. He was doing the world a good thing in getting rid of the hippie. Although Wendy didn't want to sympathize with Cartman, she could tell he was going through a heartbreak. She tells him that she used to feel that way about Stan too. She used to think that she'd feel better if he got run over by a truck or at least died a very painful death. Cartman is shocked and then later laughs at her confession. He knew she was a psycho bitch. Wendy waved away his comment. She felt that way because she was hurt by that fact that Stan would never like the way she liked him. She would never be number one in his heart. Tentatively

She takes Cartman's hand and he flinches from the touch.

Wendy: Sometimes you can't help who you fall in love with, but what you can do is decide what to do with that love- to be miserable nursing something that will never blossom or let it go.

Cartman snatches his hand back. He doesn't know what kind of girly bullshit she's shouting. He'll definitely be happy when Stan's gone from the picture.

Wendy: But that won't mean Kyle will love you. In fact, he'll hate you for the rest of his life. Is that what you really want? He'll never forgive you. Never.

Cartman snorts: That's just icing on the cake. Kyle's unhappiness is my happiness

Wendy shakes her head: You're just a bundle of denial aren't you?

Cartman laughs: Ha! Funny coming from a closeted lesbian like you!

Wendy glares at him: I'm not a lesbian

Cartman: Yeah, whatever. I see the way Bebe looks at you. You two think you're so slick.

Cartman continues to insult her about her relationship with Bebe until Wendy's had enough. At this point, she's fiercely protective of Bebe and won't stand for Cartman to badmouth her. She grabs him by the scuff of his shirt and pulls him down to eyelevel: If you say another word, I'll cut out her tongue and stuff it down back your throat, you hear me? Look me in the eye and tell me you don't think I'm serious.

Cartman chuckles nervously and tries to call her bluff, but then Wendy whips out a butterfly knife she always keeps in her pocket for safety measures. Illegal, of course to bring onto campus, but it's only if she's caught. Cartman gulps and nods his head. Wendy smiles and finds his nervous demeanor quite hilarious. She gives me a pitying peck on the lips. She turns away and misses the shock on his face. She informs him she's going to sleep now. If she talks to him any longer, she might go insane from all of his absurd stupidity. She curls up in the corner and Cartman watches with disbelief when she falls asleep. He brushes his lips and murmurs again what a crazy, stupid bitch Wendy was. He should call the police on her for sexual harassment. This is the second time she kissed him out of the blue.

Cartman finds his own corner and sulks over what Wendy told him. Not that he'll admit it, but from the start he knew he had no chance against Stan. Stan and Kyle had always been inseparable. He was always second choice, the runner-up. He didn't want to examine that because how pathetic would that be? Cartman looks up to glare at Wendy's sleeping form. He liked it better when he didn't have a conscious. Everyone thought of him a spoiled, evil child and most of time he agreed with them. Power and being rich had nothing to do with being nice. He notices that Wendy wasn't guarding her knife anymore. He wonders if he can kill her, or at least give her some nice facial scars to match her horrid personality. He notices her shiver from the cold. Grumbling for a bit, he scoots closer to her and after hesitating for a minute, takes off his jacket to put over her. He reasons to himself that he's not doing this because she's a girl, but because he was too hot.

When he slowly wakes up the next morning, he notices a nice scent filling his nose. When he opens his eyes, he realizes that in the middle of the night, Wendy had cuddled up to him and he had his arms wrapped around her. Cartman jumps away. Wendy just turns over and continues to sleep. Cartman looks around and sees that the door is left open. Red faced, Cartman races out the room.

Since Cartman realized and confessed he liked Kyle, things between them have tempered off. Cartman still make side remarks but they don't have a much of a bite to it anymore. Kyle still gets annoyed with some of the insults, but he doesn't get riled up like he used to. He kinda feels pity for Cartman. When Cartman relentlessly ragged on Kyle and Stan for being fags, Stan says Cartman is just jealous because he wants to be the one that Kyle is fag with. To which Kenny goes "ouch, burn", Cartman blanches, and Kyle is indignant. The blow was a low one, but Stan was still bitter that Cartman tried to steal Kyle from him. But he's happy to note that most of Cartman's insult and "hate" are now directed towards Wendy. Now that he knows that's how Cartman expresses himself to the person he's like, he's relieved that his new target is Wendy. He feels bad that he's put this on her, but if anyone can handle Cartman, it's her.


End file.
